Poverty on Poverty

Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak at my friend Amanda's school. She teaches high school Spanish at Julian HS on the south side of Chicago. As you may guess from the fact that this is a Chicago Public School and it's on the south side, it is a struggling school. Most of her kids are what we would consider poor, many of them are in gangs, and even the advanced students are far behind average students in other school districts.

The purpose of my visit was to speak about the culture of Guatemala, where I visited in 2008. It was fun to share the similarities and differences of the Guatemalan culture and these student's culture. Overall, the students were engaged, respectful, and a lot of fun to spend my day with. What really stood out to me was our discussion on the poverty in Guatemala. I shared about the problems with air pollution, lack of drinkable water, and high crime. I'm not sure what I expected the students' reactions to be, but I was surprised that so many of them said, "If it's so bad there, why don't people just move?"

I think this is an easy question to ask about people living in poverty. I guess the reason I was surprised to hear it from these students is because when I host groups, we work in neighborhoods just like the one that all these kids live in. When we tell groups about the issues facing these neighborhoods, so many of them ask the same question- "If it's so bad, why don't they just move?"

Maybe poverty is more relative than we think. Maybe poverty needs to be measured by more than tax brackets and one's zip code. Maybe it goes beyond the obvious things that we see and has more to do with attitudes and perspective of ones' individual experience. I'm not trying to say that poverty is not a real and destructive thing, but I'm curious as to what this world would look like if those in power looked beyond the obvious conditions of poverty and more into the perspectives of those living in the situations that we only read about.

Is this where incarnational ministry begins?

Hitting the Breaks

As you've no doubt noticed, it's been quite awhile since my last post. I assure you this is not from lack of desire to blog. Instead, my absence has been result of complete immersion in my ministry- and as a result, total exhaustion and near burn out.

Here's what a typical day for me has looked like as of late:

Sunday: 8:30am-3pm- Project Nehemiah (transporting kids from the Ickes and Dearborn Homes and other areas on the Southside to and from church)

Monday: 11am-4pm- Cafe

Tuesday: 11am-4pm- Cafe (and soon teaching a class on sexuality in the evening)

Wednesday: 11am-4pm- Cafe.... 6:30pm-9:30pm Real Talk 678 small groups

Thursday: 10am-2pm- shopping for the Cafe... 6:30pm-9pm- Driven Youth Ministry

In addition, I was often hosting on the weekends. Even though my boss Kelly would urge me to take a day off, she would often have to force me to do this or I would work straight through.

I LOVE ministry. I adore serving God's people to the full extent. That said, this kind of schedule is ridiculous. It's not ok to never have time for dishes, laundry, the grocery store, calling home- activities otherwise known as LIFE.

This week God forced me to hit my breaking point. To be blunt, this week has been a pretty terrible one. It was one of my busiest weeks yet, and instead of being filled with amazing spiritual experiences, it has been riddled with incidents that have caused me to be bitter, irritable, and cross with many people who did not deserve it. I don't think I was a particularly pleasant individual to be around the past four days, and I apologize if I was rude to any one reading this blog.

God has once again reminded me that I have two choices- listen and be obedient, or go my own way and make things difficult. It seems like I really enjoy the latter of the two, despite the fact that things ALWAYS end up being way more difficult than is necessary! I'm discovering that it is possible to be disobedient in your ministry, if that ministry is taking precedence over God himself. After all, if the point of ministry is to glorify God, it does seem a bit contradictory to do so much ministry that you neglect to spend time in the Word and only pray in a corporate worship setting.

So that said, I'm working to revise my schedule. I'm going to have Wednesdays completely off from the cafe, so I will only be working at CSM doing some light office work and then having youth time in the evenings. I'm also experimenting with firming up my boundaries. From now on, my answer is no. There is no possible way that I can get involved with any more ministries and stay sane, or be a positive asset to the ministry. I'm going to spend the next three months learning how to limit myself.

It's time to actually discipline myself in the practice of rest.

Back to My Roots

I'm a suburban girl who loves the city. Since I was little, since before I knew/cared what a homeless person or a gang member was, I've loved going "downtown."The buildings, the noise, the people- everything excited me.

As I've gotten older, those feelings have only had the opportunity to grow. Serving in New Orleans after Katrina, I found myself enjoying spending time in the ninth ward. Yes it was shady and resembled a war zone...but it was the city. A year after that trip, I got to spend the best summer of my life facilitating urban mission trips in Chicago. However, toward the end of that summer, I started to feel a strange pang for the suburbs. By August, I was ready to go home and figured I just wasn't cut out for the city.

Sometime during my senior year of college, a longing for the city returned and I couldn't push it away. I was discontent and bored until second semester when I started working with two different groups of students- a group of at-risk girls at Muncie Southside High School and a Youth for Christ program in Yorktown called Campus Life. If you know much about Muncie and the surrounding areas, it will come as no surprise that girls at Southside fit into the urban category and the kids at Yorktown were most certainly (rich, priviledged) suburn.

At first, I seriously dreaded my Monday nights with the Yorktown kids. Youth ministry is my passion, but I was used to kids with "real" issues. Thankfully, God put me in my place and showed me how to love these kids and understand their problems- after all, I was just like them as a student.While this opportunity solidified youth ministry for me, it did nothing to alleviate the urban-sububan conflict that was raging in my mind.

Present time finds me back in Chicago, being immersed in urban culture once again. And while I love it, the more time I spend here, the more curious I've become about the problems of my hometown. I'm starting to become interesting in the impact of suburban-urban partnerships and how that might impact these different communities. What issues face the youth of Indianapolis? What gangs are present? What churches and agencies are working to make it a better place?

So, with this curiousity I'm going to start a new feature on this blog. Every week I'm going to profile a ministry or social service agency in Indianapolis and in Chicago. This is mostly for my benefit so I can be more educated, but I hope you'll find it interesting as well.

In Indianapolis:

Save The Youth Inc.

http://www.savetheyouth.org/#

Save the Youth is located in the Meadows neighborhood of Indianapolis and is focused on prevention. They identify at-risk youth and work to keep them off the streets and out of gangs. What interested me most about this ministry is that it was founded by a former gang member who wanted to keep kids from going through the things he went through. Check out the website for more information!

In Chicago:

By The Hand Kids Club

http://www.bythehand.org/index.html

By The Hand has three Chicago locations- the neighborhoods of Austin, Englewood, and Cabrini-Green. These are three of the most economically depressed neighborhoods in Chicago, and kids who live in these areas face issues such as gangs, drugs, and teen pregnancy at far too young an age. By The Hand has afterschool programs for kids from first grade to high school graduation. My friend Julia is a staff member, and their ministry does not end in the classroom. The teachers at By The Hand pick the kids up from school as well as conduct home visits in order to understand and nurture the whole family.

A Quick Bit of Inspiration for Your New Year!

I've mentioned Treneal to you all on this blog. She is without a doubt one of the most inspiring and uplifting individuals that I have ever had the privilege to meet. Now I want to share her story with you in the best way I know how- through her own words. I taped her testimony with her permission (and her enthusiasm!) at the Dream Center 2009 Graduation. The graduation is when women transition from different phases of the three phase program. Treneal is now in the phase where she is looking for a job and trying to start a new, restored life outside of the program. I'm not sure what was more touching- watching her give her testimony in person or watching the video with her.

Here is her story:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3_Z0yfdkZY

It Doesn't Matter

Hello everyone. It has been a crazy end of November/beginning of December! I hope the holidays have been going well for all of you!

Today I wanted to write not so much about anything I've been doing in the city, but more about some of the things I've been learning and processing while doing ministry. As most of you know, at CSM we work to educate mission trip groups on the issues facing the inner-city, as well as God's heart for the poor. In doing this, we strive to break down stereotypes and (in a certain sense) shock the students into seeing the homeless as people who are just like them.

When society thinks of the homeless, a lot of expressions like "get a job" or "drug addict" are commonly associated with the epidemic. Part of my job as a host is to get students to see beyond those stereotypes and see the failings of a broken system, or an overpriced world. Many times it feels like I am trying to convey the message that it's not the homeless fault that their homeless- they're victims, they're good people, and Jesus has a special place in his Kingdom for the poor. I mean, so many of them will say "God bless" when we give them a meal at a soup kitchen- they must be good, albeit misunderstood, people!

What I've been realizing is that while the obviously negative stereotypes we sometimes hold against the homeless are untrue, those positive, almost saintlike visions are also incorrect.

The truth is, as I've been working with the poor in Chicago, I have realized that they are quite similar to me- they're rude, deceptive, short-tempered, they lie, and they have a capacity to try on the last nerve of this particular urban missionary. Just two days ago, one of the women at the cafe blatantly lied to me about when she had visitation hours- attempting to manipulate me into giving her a visitation so she could receive money from her nephew. The women in the program are not allowed to have visitors except on Saturdays and they are not allowed to keep any money on their person. Being new, I was unaware of these rules, and was exceptionally irritated when I learned that she had lied to me.

I've met a few homeless individuals who are definitely perpetuating stereotypes. They show up to the shelters drunk, or they spend their last few dollars on cigarettes. It's pathetic and it's irritating and it's an obvious example of a destructive habit that landed these men and women in a terrible life situation.

In fact, most of the people I have been working with during my time in Chicago have not been the helpless homeless victims that we in urban ministry would love to show off. It's easy to love a single mother who was fleeing from an abusive marriage and ended up on the streets out of desperation. Compassion comes easily because these people have done nothing wrong- they deserve our love and help.

The funny thing is, the more I get to know the homeless and the poor, and the more I hear people debate whether homelessness and poverty are caused by a system or by individual failings, the more I've come to realize that it does not matter. It doesn't matter WHY someone is in that line at the soup kitchen and it doesn't matter what circumstances caused that guy to walk up and down the intersection with his cardboard sign. I've yet to find a passage in scripture that dictates that we love people who have been screwed over and scorn those that have done it to themselves. If you find it, let me know.

Instead, I find a graceful God that demands compassion for ALL PEOPLE. The truth is, if I'm going to be genuine in my faith and call myself a Christian, I need to be ready to glorify God in all situations. This means that when the people I'm working with disappoint me, I don't get the option of giving up on them and moving on to a more deserving project. These are people, and they are just like us- they are sinful, messed up people who feel the exact same emotions, internal conflicts, and loneliness that we have all felt at one time. They share the same kind of joys, the same kind of pain. Why/how they ended up where we find them is just one unique aspect of their story. And while we need to strive to understand that part of their lives, it should never shape our response to them. Love becomes the only response. And not cheesy, greeting card love- no, this is compassionate, deep, invested love. This is love that keeps reaching out even when walls go up, or people disappoint.

The ins and outs, the hows and whys- they don't matter. What does matter is our response. What's yours?

When Statistics Become Reality

At CSM Chicago, we take our groups on prayer tours of either the West or South side of the city on the night that they arrive. Here is some information from the West side tour:


The Cook County jail has almost 100,000 detainees pass through its doors every year

Since it's a jail, that means no one being detained has been convicted of the charges they are being held for. In Illinois, one is held in jail until bailed out or taken to trial. The system is very backed up, so some people sit in jail for months upon months, no matter if they are innocent or guilty.

Once convicted of a crime, a person loses the right to vote and to receive federal loans for further education.


Today I met a woman at the cafe who was completing community service hours for her probation. She told me that she spent five and a half months locked up at 26 & California (a familiar term for the jail) before she was ever put on trial. She then told me that she is trying to better herself, but there is no possible way for her to go back to school because she is inelegible for loans. Furthermore, her efforts to find employment are futile- as she said, "Once you check the 'yes' box that you have been convicted, no one wants to hire you." She told me that she is doing everything in her power to live up to the terms of her probation and that she desperately wants to find a job and move on. It was with great frustration that she confided to me her crime- a DUI.

Now, I will be the first to speak against drunk driving- few things frustrate me more than this irresponsible decision. But as I talked to this woman, I found myself incensed that this conviction had the power to completely ruin a woman's life, while so many face only temporary (if any) consequences for the same crime. Surely this is an example of injustice.

So many like to cling to and declare the fact that we live in a country founded on Christian principles. If this is true, where do we see redemptive grace in this story? Where is this woman's second (and third and fourth and thousandth) chance to get it right? I'm not saying there should not be prisons and consequences for serious crimes. Obviously this is a necessary infrastructure for our society to function. What I am wondering is where is the church in this legal system mess? Are we doing all we can to step up for these men and women once they are released from incarceration? How are we helping them move on from their mistakes and into a life of productivity? Are we compelled to make their burden our own?

Yes, they have broken the law. But then I think of how I break God's laws constantly in my permanently sinful and broken state and compassion for these people is no longer optional. It becomes an obligatory, necessary response to love my fellow broken neighbor.

What would happen if the church responded to this population the same way that God mercifully responds to us? How could this world look if grace was our response?

We Did Not Come Here to Be Inn-Keepers

I am currently reading the biography of Gladys Aylward, missionary to China. If you are looking for a good read and would like to learn more about an extraordinary woman, I would highly recommend it.

Near the beginning of her time in China, it is suggested to Gladys that she and her ministry partner open an inn in order to better connect with the locals. Distraught, Gladys replies, "But we did not come here to be inn-keepers!" To this, her ministry partner asks, "But how else will we reach them?"

This exchange closely mirrors the conversation that I have been having with God over the past few days. It will come as no surprise that I did not come to Chicago to work in a cafe. When people would ask me what I was moving to do, I would normally tell them urban youth ministry. That was the goal- possibly the whole point of moving here. I could see how I did with at-risk youth and then make a career decision based on my experiences. In theory, by the end of these seven months I would be able to discern if suburban or urban ministry was my calling.

In my head, this plan sounded excellent- easy and direct. Of course, as I write it down, I can easily recognize some flaws. While there are several, the most glaringly obvious is the fact that this plan deals exclusively with the Mindie Fields agenda. In this plan there is no room for flexibility or even much learning. Suffice it to say, my goals for my time in Chicago were not contingent on God's goals- and going into ministry, that can pose a pretty hefty problem.

Per usual, God took it upon himself to humble me and make me do things his way. The funny thing is that even though I know life works better when I'm not stubborn and hard-headed, I always seem to forget that until I'm reminded by having everything in my life turned upside down.

So I did not come here to work in a cafe. I was especially convinced of this when I spent my whole first day chopping an entire 50 lb bag of onions. As I sobbed my way through the bag, I couldn't help but wonder how many of the tears were from the onions and how many were shed from the idea that this was not what I had in mind when I moved 3 1/2 hours from everyone I know. As I chopped those onions, I conveniently forgot that ministry is not for self-glorification. That Bible Study I led, on missions glorifying God- all the wisdom found in that study went out the window as my head was filled with negative thought after negative thought.

I did not come here to work in a cafe- but God brought me here to work in a cafe. Those are two very different things, and I am always thankful that God has so much greater wisdom than I do. For the first time in my life, I am not walking into a ministry as the white girl who is helping the poor ethnic people. I'm not passing out food on trays expecting a word of gratitude, I'm not helping an impoverished child and telling her that she can go to college too and be just like me. No, at the cafe, I am equals with the women I am working with. Some of them are members of a drug-treatment facility, but does that put us on different levels? Not at all. We all have to clean, chop, create, and get worn out together. We laugh together, we share our stories, and we poke fun at each other. If anything, I am relying on these women to help me figure out what in the world I'm doing working in food service for the first time in my life.

No, I did not come to Chicago to work in a cafe, but working there has brought me into a whole new level of ministry. It's the kind of ministry where people take care of each other and transparency is possible. It's relational ministry at it's finest, where we can be coworkers, sisters in Christ, friends. It's the kind of ministry where I have become the learner instead of the teacher. And seeing what I've learned in only three days, I can't wait to see what I'm taught over the next six months!